So after my all night disappearance, I am pretty sure that my (soon to be ex) Husband was not pleased to find me with The Arab. Actually, I know he was pissed because he came right out and said so.
After a silent cab ride home.
Tag Archive: insecurity
I can do anything better than you. 
I let my (soon to be ex) Husband get to me the first time we were together. A lot. Especially at the beginning of our relationship and marriage. I let him walk all over me. Belittle me. Try to change me.
Needless to say, we had a lot of problems.
on yesterday’s post about dick size and insecurity. Just some general things that I wanted to blather on about. I don’t even know if these could be considered clarifications.
When I was younger, and (slightly) more immature than I am now, I was always amazed at the self-confidence that most men (boys) seemed to exude. They never seemed as self-conscious or ashamed of their bodies as I felt. I don’t just feel my insecurities-like most women I know, I verbalize them.
I’m still collecting data about this (ah, who am I kidding, I haven’t “collected data” in quite some time) but it is something I’ve noticed in the limited sample of foreigners that I’ve been with. And it’s been consistent.
Waiting for someone to prove me wrong. About anything really.
Not in a bad, creepy way. Exactly. More in a if-he-writes-anything-on-some-other-girls-page-that-I-don’t-like-I’m-gonna-kill-him kind of way. Which Facebook makes it really easy to keep track of considering it tells me every time he writes something on someone’s page. Unless he’s smart enough to delete it.
Guys usually aren’t very smart.
I date outside of my race/ethnicity/culture. Etc. I have dated Black Americans, Arabs, Africans, Indians, White Americans and white foreigners. Maybe I’m different. I like to mix it up a little, do something different.
Dating the same guy over and over just doesn’t do it for me. Some of my friends seem to date guys that are all very similar. Every guy they date has the same personality and interests. It didn’t work the first time, so just keep doing the same thing over and over, I guess.
“What’s wrong?” I don’t think The Arab expected me to stop him as he had had his hands down my pants on any number of occasions before this one. I don’t even know how many times we danced together out at a club, with his hand under my skirt or down the front of my jeans, one finger inside me as we moved together. It was like having sex with our clothes on.
“I didn’t shave.” I was embarrassed. I didn’t want somebody, and especially not this somebody, to see me like that. It was something that I was used to, that I hadn’t really thought about beforehand.
I knew The Arab for about two years before we had sex. It was two years of talking, laughing, joking, screwing around, hugs, love, making out, dancing, him touching me “inappropriately” while dancing, drinking, getting stoned and occasional serious conversation when we needed someone to talk to about our problems.
The problem with knowing and loving someone for years before having sex with them is that I already had far too many emotions invested in him. I had too much of my sanity to lose.
As I said in my previous post, I’m not sure. Exactly. If I really had to guess for some reason, I could. Probably with some degree of accuracy. Maybe.
But why do people want to know this about the person that they are sexing anyway? Does it really matter? Does it tell you anything? 
Do you want to know so that you can categorize me? Define me, put me in a neat little box somewhere?
I don’t know how many times I have heard (some variation of) this question. Whether it’s from guys I’ve dated, friends (male and female) or family (like I’m really going to tell them anything) I have heard this question about a million times.
I’m not stupid, I know better than to answer this question when asked by family or anyone with a penis.
So what’s the answer?
