Talking During Sex

I am not a big fan of talking during sex. Maybe it’s because I’m introverted and don’t talk a lot at all in real life. Or maybe it’s because I feel awkward talking during sex. Like I’m not sure of what to say.

And I don’t like it when guys talk to me either.

Population Control 2

So guys are kind of a pain in the ass and I try to lie or evade direct questions about how many guys I’ve banged.

But that doesn’t work when they are trying to be sneaky and ask indirect questions about my number. So I have a little game that I like to play to keep myself in their good graces.

Population Control

I was talking to one of the pharmacists at work one day. Sex is a popular topic in my conversations. I like to horrify my friends with my stories. The pharmacist was a guy and he said something about guys not caring how many guys a woman has been with.

I don’t know what planet he lives on, but guys do care. Some of them care a lot.

What’s the weirdest reason that you’ve broken up with someone?

Here’s mine. We were somehow, amazingly, together for two years. This was in the college years, about 10 years ago. I found out, from his best friend, that he was planning on proposing.

I could not marry this guy.

Why?

Oh my god, did his balls stink. Bad. Like I don’t think he knew he had to wash them.

I could barely stand being on top during sex because the fumes were so bad. I could seriously smell his balls (I guess smell rises) even though my face was several feet from his balls.

One day, after we had been together for months, if I would suck his cock before we had sex.

Ummmm, no. I told him that I don’t do that (which was the truth and then would not have been the time to start).

But seriously, I would have died down there. The fumes were enough to gag me from several feet away and I can’t even imagine up close.

And he was the first black guy I had sex with so I Quickly Concluded that all black men had nasty balls. I didn’t date another black guy for years because of him.

I don’t understand people’s desire to settle

When I talk about settling, I’m talking about settling for less than what you want. Unfortunately, I want it all.

My friends have said that physical attraction and sexual prowess are of little importance in a relationship. I guess it all depends on what you’re looking for or what you’re willing to compromise on, but I disagree. I guess we have different expectations and desires. I’ve also been told that I’m too picky.

Wow what a bad idea 3

So Young Black Hottie puts the (what rightly should be Magnum but I have no idea if it was) condom on and was kneeling at the end of the bed. I had my knees locked together in much the same position you will find me at in the gynecologists office. (Seriously, the last time I was at the gynecologists office he sat at the end of the table thing and touched my unmoving legs while saying “you do realize you’re going to have to open your legs, right?”)

Because I was still thinking that his big huge monster should really stay away from my tight little girlie parts.

Wow what a bad idea 2

But no, I was an idiot and went back over after we had already said good night. I had fun the first time, why not continue the fun. Right? So I went back over and Young Black Hottie put in another movie. Again, I have no idea what movie. We were sitting in the “dark” on his futon. (Gotta love studio apartments.)

I was leaning into him with my legs up over the end of the futon. He was getting…friendlier.

I don’t get the loose pussy thing

I’ve heard countless times that the more guys you fuck, the looser your pussy will be. So, the reasoning goes, a good way to tell if a girl is a “slut” is by the looseness of her vag.

That, however, doesn’t make any sense to me.

How can you tell if she’s faking it?

I’ve read stuff online about how to tell if a girl is faking it just to see what it says. I’ve had guys tell me that they can tell or that they know how to tell. I assume that they have read the same crap I have.

If she has half a brain, you can’t tell.

I hate making decisions

I am completely indecisive and a total procrastinator. Anything that involves thinking ahead or planning is totally out for me. I don’t like locking into something and thinking about things in advance.

I think this is (partially) why I never liked the 69 position and why I said no to my threesome offers.