Just me and my vibe

First of all, I need to say that I’ve become very dependent on my vibrator. My fingers might as well be broken or amputated for all the action they haven’t been getting lately.

And then my vibe died.

At first (like the first five minutes after I realized it) I thought everything would be fine. There was life before the vibe, there would be life after.

I was wrong.

My First Sex Toy

I got my first sex-toy by accident. I wasn’t really expecting it and I didn’t buy it. I also didn’t like it, rarely used it and didn’t buy anything else for years.

I threw it away a couple of years ago. But I always have very unfond memories of it.

My new fantasy

This post is yet another reason Dreads should never read what I write for perfect strangers to read.

I have been told, I don’t know how many times, that straight girls aren’t supposed to get off while watching gay sex. I’m not supposed to watch gay porn. I’m not supposed to like it.

But it’s okay for guys to watch lesbian porn. Perfectly acceptable.

Do your orgasms always have the same intensity?

Mine most definitely do not. Not even close. I’m thinking about this because I was just playing with my vibrator, and I feel like I just got hit by a mac truck.

In a good way.

When Porn Pisses Me Off 2

This isn’t really the porn’s fault (except that porn is so goddamn good that it makes me watch it, calls to me-”Hey Quick Concluder, this is Porn talking to you, you know you’d like to orgasm right now, why not stop over to pornhub and see what’s going down…”) it’s really my own stupidity that pisses me off.

I love watching porn but my entire apartment building doesn’t need to know this.

Remember when I said…

…you’re not watching me masturbate? I lied. (Well, you’re not, but someone else did.)

The lights are dim and we’re laying on our sides watching tv. His naked body is pressed up against my backside, hands running over my mostly naked body. His mouth, teeth and tongue start at my neck and work their way down my back.

Lower.

You’re Not Watching Me Masturbate

Sorry, but it’s just not going to happen. At least not in the sense of you sitting there, watching me intently, wanting to see me get off. Sitting there, studying me, wanting to see it happen.

Why? Well, there are a couple of reasons.

I once knew a guy that jerked off with his pants on

I didn’t just know him, he was my live-in boyfriend for three years. I didn’t realize he had this little pants-on fetish until we had been living together for about a year.

I thought it was kinda weird. But most fetishes are.

Masturbation vs. Sex

Sex and masturbation are two wholly different entities. Masturbation is fantastic because there are no drawbacks, no surprises. You always know what you’re getting. And you always know how it will end (ORGASM!!).

For guys, it’s different.

My new best friend

A couple of weeks ago my friend, The Prude, asked me if I had ever been to a sex toy store. I told her that I had. She asked if I usually go alone. I said yes, I don’t generally bring all my friends and family along with me. She told me that she wanted to go to one, but she didn’t want to go alone. (Besides being a prude, she is also afraid to drive in any cities, including the small ones around here. She never goes shopping alone.)

So I said I would go with her.