Age is nothing but a number 3

I was so happy to find out that the Keebler Elf was moving back to Virginia or wherever he came from. I could go to work knowing that I wasn’t going to have to make excuses for why I didn’t want to do out with someone. He was leaving in two weeks.

For two weeks he asked me to move to Virginia with him.

Age is nothing but a number 2

I never, ever should have opened my mouth and told the Keebler Elf that I was planning on leaving my (soon to be ex) Husband or why I was leaving. I don’t really have an explanation for why other than I hadn’t really told anyone (other than my friend Cat) at that point, and I was unusually jumpy and depressed.

And asked what was wrong and I told him.

That was when he started hitting on me.

Age is nothing but a number

Yeah, right. Let’s get real here. This might work for certain people-Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Johnny Depp-but for most people this is just not true. It’s not so much an age thing as it is an attraction thing. Generally I, and most of the girls I know, are not attracted to guys that much older than I am. Because most guys (and girls as well) don’t look like Brad, George or Johnny (or the female equivalent) as they age.

The person saying that age is nothing but a number, or somehow trying to convince me that age is unimportant, is generally way older than I.

And looks like a goddamn Keebler Elf.

First Dates Suck

Which is why they usually don’t make it to second dates. At least in my case. First impressions really matter to me. And it might be kind of hard to make a good first impression when everyone is nervous and we don’t know each other at all due to the whole online dating thing.

So here are some of the reasons that first dates suck. And what I’d like to see improved in my own dating life.

Talking to Girls 2

If you ever wanna feel better about yourself, visit a minority majority neighborhood. Seriously. White guys are afraid to talk to girls, black men will talk to anyone. So when a guy talks to you, don’t look at him because then you won’t know if he’s ugly or not, pretend he’s hot and take whatever comes out of his mouth as a compliment.

Because he must have meant it as a compliment, right?

Talking to Girls

Is it just me, or do guys not know how to talk to girls? Not that I bother talking to guys, mind you. I always figure that even if I find someone attractive there will be at least one thing about him that I can’t stand. (GO OPTIMISM!!!)

In my world, guys rarely get it right. I’m gonna be a little racist and stereotype people here in a second. (GO ME!!!)

“OMG, tell me you didn’t?”

So I get to work on Friday and I wasn’t really thinking that much about Dave other than, “I don’t know how he misread things and thought it would be okay to make out with me/try to take me home. I hope this doesn’t make work awkward.”

Until my friend Joe comes running up to me and said, “OMG, tell me you didn’t go out on a date with Dave?”

“Wanna get a drink after work?”

I work with a guy, I’ll call him Dave (because that’s his name) and Dave was going through a difficult time awhile ago. He found out his wife, who he had moved all the way across the country with only months before due to her job relocation, was cheating on him with someone from her job. They had two kids together.

He was having a particularly bad day at one point and he asked if I would like to get a drink after work. We lived somewhat close to one another, it wouldn’t inconvenience me and since when do I pass up free drinks?

“I’m just going to disappoint you” 2

Did you read Part 1? If not, you should go do it and I’ll still be waiting here when you get back…Yup, I’m still here.

So the Lionheart Guy and I met again for another round of drinks. We start making out again which was good because I kinda decided that he was a little boring and didn’t need to talk too much. So I needed to keep his mouth busy.

“I am just going to disappoint you”

I posted a Craiglist ad in the beginning of January. Had a few seemingly good responses. One was cute, but bored me to tears. The other was just completely horrible .

Needless to say, I didn’t expect much when going into the third date. All I knew was that he had really nice eyes and was offering free alcohol down on Lark Street.