I know, ask him, right. Because right now I trust him soooooo much.
Can he still be “friends” with his ex-girlfriend after they crossed the line?
He apparently thinks/thought so. Until I set him straight.
So supposedly they dated in high-school. She was the person he lost his virginity to. He’s known her for 15 years. Blah, blah, blah.
I asked how long they’ve been speaking and he said she called out of the blue a few weeks ago. That he has never changed his number and that they hadn’t spoken in years. So if they hadn’t spoken in years, why was it so important too him for them to reconnect? Why did he invite her over to “hang out” as he put it? How close of friends could they possibly be if they haven’t been in contact? Why would he want to maintain a supposed “friendship” with her after what they did if he wants to work things out with me?
The following is part of our text exchange from last night: (FYI, I used some strong language when I refer to her. I’ll explain why later. I did have a reason and it’s probably not what you think.)
“Do you plan to continue to be “friends” with her? Are you still talking?”
“We’re not dating now. What we had was past. “
“I can’t accept you as friends with her.”
“Do you plan on continuing your “friendship” with her? Are you going to keep talking to her? Texting? Hanging out?”
“We been friends forever. I’m sure well lose contact eventually when she moves for good.” (She is allegedly moving down south.)
“I guess I’m not important then or you would just explain to her that you can’t be “friends” with her anymore due to what happened between you two and the fact that you’re trying to work it out with your girlfriend.”
“I’ll try though it’s hard to break off a friendship I’ve had for 15 years. I’ll try.”
“I’m not waiting all summer for your whore to leave so I can feel secure again that you won’t be fucking her or “hanging out” with her. It’s not fair to me.”
“You wanna live in the past with your whore then we have no future.”
“You said that you just started talking again a couple of weeks ago. She can’t be that important to you if that’s true. I hate ultimatums but it’s me or her.”
“Ok. I understand. Just give me a few. Breaking off all ties. Let me think for a few minutes.”
There is one glaring inconstancy that I see here. He claimed that they hadn’t spoken in years, yet this was a 15 year friendship that is so important to him that he doesn’t know how to break things off with her. That kinda makes me wonder…
So am I being a bitch for insisting on this? I think I’m within my rights if he plans on us working things out.
But the other thing is that I had no idea he was talking to her in the first place. What’s to stop him from continuing to talk to her? Hang out with her? I won’t know the difference, will I?
I’d like to offer some thoughts but I’m worried that I’ll raise some point and screw with your head.
But there’s a question that I can’t help asking. If she’s such a good friend why didn’t he introduce the two of you?
As I commented before it’s all about trust now. You doubt everything about him and the relationship right now. Is he worth going through that period of rebuilding the trust, which could take a long time, to get back to a point where you don’t worry every time he walks out the door?
I have raised so many points with him in the past few days that nothing can screw with my head more. Things are clicking together in my head that I feel like I should have seen before but didn’t. I haven’t introduced him to any of my friends either so that isn’t a huge concern. He’s introduced me to a few that we’ve run into while out and about but never by plan.
However, I may have never introduced him to my friends but they all damn well know that I have a boyfriend. What I asked him was how the fact that he had a girlfriend never came up if he only saw her as a friend and nothing more. I feel like he was leaving the door open with her by not telling her.
I don’t know that this is going to work out. I don’t know if the trust can be rebuilt. I think I just need to get over him my own way, in my own time. I want him to feel bad. I want to see him feel bad. But everytime I’m not with him, I wonder if he’s with her. He says she’s not speaking to him right now. I hope she continues and moves soon like she is supposed to.
But I doubt she’ll move as “planned”. God hates me. I always get the opposite of what I want.